Friday, March 31
hmm.. i m amazed at myself.. for staying up till almost 7am.. hmm.. did nothing much actually.. tried math tut 8.. and then.. copied the lyrics notes and was arranging my files.. hmm..hmm.. then slept till ten plus abit.. and went out to study.. hmm.. hmm.. thought for some time before making the move out actually.. hmm..
hmm.. national library's study lounge is quite a conducive environment to study.. with vending machines to satisfy your hunger.. hmm.. but it's a very cold place..
hmm.. was trembling like dont know what after that.. and my teeth were chattering like hell.. hmm.. feeling a lil feverish now.. haiz.. perhaps i should sleep more..
hmm.. thinking of where to study tomorrow.. it's a saturday.. hmm.. which library should i go.. hmm.. national library? hmm.. school? hmm.. or hall? just want somewhere.. away from all distractions.. okie.. perhaps most will do.. hmm..
hmm.. after getting hurt many times.. you start to feel numb to it.. hmm..
hmm.. perhaps being oblivious is wonderful.. =]
znew left a note @21:27
hmm.. when will i ever realise that..things will never be the same again?
znew left a note @02:29
Thursday, March 30
hmm.. how many times must i repeat myself before you get it into your head..please.. please.. do not -beep- me..
hm.. was listening to my playlist.. the songs are ringing in my head.. but the lyrics cant seem to be able to find their way into my brain.. hmm..
znew left a note @01:38
Wednesday, March 29
hmm.. just when i thought i figured my way out.. i m beginning to feel that i m sinking back again.. hmm.. how sad arh..hmm.. once again.. exams is round the corner.. just checked my seating arrangement.. hmm.. marked out the exam venues on the map.. the preparation for exams should start.. but what am i doing now? sinking deeper and deeper into a place i dont belong..
hmm.. it's reallly time to work.. the balloon bearing the message shall stand tall and mighty on my table from today onwards.. hmm.. coz.. when it's out of my sight.. the message goes out of my mind..
hmm.. it's funny how we used to be soo open and natural when we're much younger.. was watching campus superstar recorded on monday.. and in them.. i see true friendships forged.. i see energy.. i see their youths.. hmm..
hmm.. kinda missed those days in hc and ny.. when all we cared about was studies.. and judo.. and hanging out with these friends wasnt a problem coz bonding can be done anytime anywhere with you spendin at least half of your day with them.. hmm..
hmm.. missed those crapping sessions we had after trainings.. during trainings.. during free periods.. and recess.. those non-sensical and crazy stuffs we do.. sheng li de xiao rong-ding-ding.. they may sound silly.. but they are part of my memories..
hmm.. perhaps.. it is true that as we grow older.. we think more before we act.. we begin to build a protective shield.. nonetheless.. thinking before taking any action isnt a bad thing.. coz it helps you be more sensitive towards others' feelings.. but doing it to the extent of hypocrisy would be totally undesirable.. hmm.. ever wondered why young kids open their mouths wide and smile and laugh as if there's no tomorrow? coz they have nothing holding them back from showing their true emotions..
hmm.. is there a need to hide your true feelings? dont you find it tiring to do so?
hmm.. trust me.. after a day of smiling and laughing when deep down.. you're actually depressed inside.. you'll feel lethargic.. tired.. and all those synonyms you can think of..
znew left a note @22:55
Sunday, March 26
ripped this off someone's blog..have u ever felt like u did everything u could to help ppl dear to u. yet wad u get in return is simply nothing.we always take things for granted, and not appreciate it til its gone. if u are the person who keeps giving and not taking, one day will u feel so sick and tired of all these? and in the end, u are the person who gets hurt ultimately.
no one can be selfless. we need to protect ourselves sometimes, no one likes to get hurt.if ure too convenient, ure always there for yr gd frens, naturally, not deliberately tho, yr frens might take u for granted. after all, u will always be there. when she's down, she'll look for u. but when she's not, ure cast aside. so who will be there for u when ure down and in need of a shoulder.
its kinda a mutual thing right. frens support each other. if one pillar is strong and the other is weak, the ceiling will collapse after some time right?mayb sometimes to make ourselves less vulnerable, we cant always give in. we gotta learn to say no, and tell the person not to take u for granted. it may seem mean, but its the only way of protecting ourselves. no one likes to give and not receive anything in return right?
pls dun come and tell me how selfless u are and are willing to sacrifice everything for a fren. cuz no one will be a saint. no one can be God.so, it may seem mean, but aint it jus another survival skill?sometimes being nice doesnt buy u anything, u'll be taken advantage of instead. u'll be treated like 7/11, jus another convenience store, where ppl will only come to during rainy days.
mayb being softhearted is not gd. u gotta learn to be strong alrite? and learn to protect urself. if not no one can help u.
hmm.. right now.. i'd rather you seek help from me..
znew left a note @02:12
Saturday, March 25
hmm.. haha.. scold me if you want.. i just bought another jacket.. yes.. another one.. haha..
hmm.. was arranging my warddrobe.. was so happy to clear so many hangers.. and was counting the number of 'winter wear' i have.. hahaha.. here are the statistics..
-1 hooded pull over.. from tribal..
-2 pull overs..
-1 fila windbreaker..
-1 fila tracksuit..
-1 mizuno tracksuit..
-1 macau judo jacket..
-1 gio jr jacket..
-1 seed brown jacket..
-1 adidas goofy jacket..
-and the latest addition.. haha.. the adidas florida jacket!
okie.. that totals to.. 11.. hahaha.. hooray.. how i love them..
hmm.. by the way.. i din buy every single one of them.. the mizuno tracksuit was given to me by sir.. he said it's too small for him.. so dont think i m some rich girl.. i m just a plain normal girl.. simply spending more on things i like.. and in this case.. 'winter wear'..
znew left a note @23:36
hmm.. just read the papers.. saw results of nat schs indi.. wanted to post it at.. but realised i deleted it.. haha..so here it is..
c boys.. lightweight: 2nd-hci; 3rd-hci
c girls.. extra-lightweight: 1st-jingfang; 3rd-youhui.. lightweight: 1st-yanghan-nyg..
b boys.. extra-lightweight: 1st-nicholas-hci; 2nd-velden-hci.. lightweight: 3rd-jit weng-hci.. middleweight: 1st-thomas-hci; 2nd-zhongning-hci.. heavyweight: 2nd-jonathan-hci..
b girls.. extra-lightweight: 1st-faith-nygh; 2nd-peijin-nyg.. lightweight: 1st-penny-nyg; 3rd-eugenia-nyg.. middleweight: 2nd-bernice-nyg.. heavyweight: 1st-melissa-nyg; 2nd-huiming-nyg..
a boys.. extra-lightweight: 3rd-yongkeong-hci.. lightweight: 1st-huanghao-hci.. middleweight: 1st-hindarto-hci.. heavyweight: 3rd-carl yeo-hci..
a girls.. extra-lightweight: 1st-amanda-hci; 3rd-charlene-hci.. lightweight-1st-yimin-cjc; 2nd-jiangyue-hci.. 3rd-pheywa-hci.. middleweight: 1st-nichola-hci; 3rd-vicki-rjc.. heavyweight: 1st-xiaohui-hci; 2nd-majun-hci..
medal tally..
c boys- 1 silver, 1 bronze..
c girls- 2 golds..
b boys- 2 golds, 3 silvers, 1 bronze..
b girls- 3 golds, 3 silvers, 1 bronze..
a boys- 2 golds, 2 bronzes..
a girls- 3 golds, 2 silvers, 2 bronzes..
background info.. 4 weight categories in each division.. they din send full team.. that's alll..
znew left a note @04:47
hmm.. retail therapy works.. full stop.. hahaha..hmm.. saw this write-up in cleo.. the varsity verdict.. they went nus, ntu and smu to check out the dressing of the students.. funny why we never see them.. hahaha..
fashion face-off winner: smu
grade: A
in the sage words of smu student cindy "you dont have to dress up to look good. in school, i take a laidback approach to style. i dont want to look ostentatious or like i'm trying too hard." indeed, this city campus boasts of slick dressers with edgy street vibe and understated falir at the same time that their counterparts in other schools would like to steal. this city campus, with no hostels and is right smack in the middle of town, giving students a legit reason never to wear a huge tee and fbt shorts to tutorial.
first runner-up: nus
grade: B+
you might mistake this school for newport union in the o.c. no, there arent any marissa coopers decked out in chanel, but with flowers, rattan bags and sunny hues abounding, we started wondering where the beach party was! props to the girls (and guys) who have no qualms about donning bold shades and for making plain, casual pieces look pretty darn stylish. but we did pick up on how a few relied solely on pairing up basic, solid-coloured outsits and werent adventurous with accessories. c'mon, get funkier, people! follow the lead of these three girls at right - they've got it going on!
second runner-up: ntu
grade: B-
the vibe at this uni is decidedly laidback, perhaps because campus grounds are located in the faraway corner of boon lay. while we saw a nice selection of good dressers, most were clad in ubiquitous denim so their personal styles failed to shine. while we do love our blues, a cotton frock, tailored shorts (like what ntu student deana wore) and some accessories can spruce up your look for school. major saving grace: we saw so many guys in ntu rocking indie look with their vintage-ish hoodies and sneaks - total coolness!
how sad..
znew left a note @00:21
Friday, March 24
hmm.. 2001.. 2004 and 2006 marks the lowest points of my life..hmm.. and i hope it's a parabolic curve.. with only 1 turning point.. and not a cubic curve or such..
hmm.. so that.. after each lowest point.. i'd rise again..
hmm.. since nothing has been known yet.. everything is just my own presumptions.. and sad to say.. they are very true..
hmm.. there's so much to say.. yet i cant say it here.. =]
znew left a note @21:04
hmm.. stop pretending you understand.. stop pretending you care.. stop pretending you really do not bother about that.. stop acting ignorant.. it's not gonna earn you anymore credits.. i wont be fooled..my 200th entry.. din expect it to be of this nature..
hmm.. how i loved the month of january and february..
hmm.. lots of holidays.. lots of fun.. lots of laughter.. lots of joy.. lots of smile.. lots of late nights not on sch work.. lots of all things sweet and nice..
hmm.. and little of tears.. sorrow.. of despair.. of all things sour and horrible..
hmm.. and do you really feel good doing all those things? if you dont feel a tinny winny bit of guilt.. and your conscience is clear as glass.. i admire you for that.. i salute you with highest respect..
hmm.. so what if.. it's to no avail..
hmm.. and i can foresee that.. it's inevitable..
jaa-nei.. rest assured there will be the 300th.. 400th entry.. the journey doesnt end here..
znew left a note @14:31
from a song.. translated into english.. you'll get the following..it's impossible to understand what's going through a guy's heart..
you told me that you wanted me and now that i've given you everything..
you tell me you're leaving..
you told me it was the first time you felt this way..
and said that i was special..
i believed you..
and it was my happiness..
you should have told me that your feelings had faded..
i had no idea, and i continued to depend on you..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
they say that when you give a guy all he wants..
he quickly gets bored..
and now i know that's the truth..
and although i tell myself..
i'll never be tricked by love again..
i fall in love..
and my heart is broken again..
you should have told me that your feelings had faded..
i had no idea..
and i continued to depend on you..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
they say that when you give a guy all he wants..
he quickly gets bored..
and now i know that's the truth..
and although i tell myself..
i'll never be tricked by love again..
i fall in love..
and my heart is broken again..
you should have told me that your feelings had faded..
i had no idea..
and i continued to depend on you..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
please dont break the hearts of girls..
who'll do anything for love..
i didnt know that living this life..
while being loved would be so hard..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
[today we broke up.. you told me to meet someone better than you.. and be happy.. you're just like all the other guys.. what happened to when you told me that you loved me? Honestly.. i dont want you to be happy.. what am i going to do if you really forget me? i'm in so much pain, more pain that i can bare.. because i'm still in love with you..]
please dont break the hearts of girls..
who'll do anything for love..
i didnt know that living this life..
while being loved would be so hard..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
although i say i hate you now..
i'll be missing you..
[there's someone i'm in love with.. although i cant be with her now.. i'm still in love with her..]
because i'm a girl..
to whom love is everything..
znew left a note @02:29
Thursday, March 23
hmm.. back again.. haiz..hmm.. alot of things went through my mind once again..
finally.. some of the questions in my mind have been answered.. but that is only some of them.. not all.. hmm.. there is still this super duper big question mark on my mind.. i shall search for the answer after exams..
came to realise something after a few years.. when the opportunity comes.. seize it.. strike while it's hot..
思不想为假..心不痛为虚..
我感觉得到..我的心阵阵抽动..
znew left a note @20:12
in marketing lecture now.. blooody sian.. boring.. like everything is not in the lecture notes.. so many examples.. the lecturer is really good at talking.. he can talk and talk and talk non-stop for about 2hours.. guess he realised that he cant finish all the slides.. so he has reduced to only 28 slides today..i want my chevron tt..
time is running out.. there's a serious need to study.. to clear the tutorials and start doing past year papers.. hmm.. oh.. next tue is gonna be super hectic.. life sci and phy ca.. also.. marketing accessed case is due on that day..
znew left a note @17:25
Wednesday, March 22
hmm.. pon lyrics today..hmm.. haiz.. i need to cope myself up in library more.. with no lappie.. but i better not fall sleep as well..
hmm.. things hasnt change for the better.. hmm..
i thought of what to put following those 2 statements i ended with in my previous entry..
眼不见为净
耳不听为宁
脑不思为上
心不牵为佳
still thinking how i can make it sound even more 诗情画意..
a girls did fairly well today.. the boys as well.. i m prayin hard for b and c girls..
znew left a note @22:38
reaching 200entries soon.. what a feat..had marketing presentation today.. i stuttered as usual.. when can i ever present with more calm? hmm.. but nonetheless.. i felt that it was quite good.. and we were able to answer their questions.. or rather.. alvin was really good at it..
hmm.. oh.. i fed jayden with synergy 5000 instead of 8000.. and i felt that it was smoother.. but my parents insisted that shouldnt be the case.. and want me to pump 8000 again next time.. hahaha.. aiya.. jayden also need to change sometimes..
眼不见为净 耳不听为宁
znew left a note @03:33
Monday, March 20
what a day.. i really dread going to school!!!finally.. the marketing plan presentation is tomorrow.. i dont know if i should be feeling happy or sad about it..
aching alllll over.. and i really mean alll over.. every single part.. i think there are more to come..
almost dozed off again while driving back..
hmm.. when someone changes his/her attitude after exploiting you.. he/she is not a friend at all.. note that.. he/she is NOT a friend at all.. not a matter of whether he/she is a true friend of yours..
and i detest this kinda people..
going to slog away for the presentation once again..
znew left a note @19:47
Saturday, March 18
i tell my inner most secrets to my lappie.. and that's why i love my lappie so much.. because it listens to all i have to say.. without escaping..it stores my favourite mp3s.. pics of my beloved ones..
hearing things doesnt make you happy all the time..
let alone witnessing these awful moments..
there are some things in life we cant change.. we can only accept.. but that takes alot of effort..
it's hard..
i always wonder..
and nothing never changes in this world.. it's a matter of changing for the better or for the worse.. and it all depends on how you look at it..
it could well be a blessing in disguise..
and i hope what i see now is..
byebye 'good' old days..
znew left a note @03:12
Friday, March 17
from seventeen.. page 74..what happens when you're sleep-deprived
-you feel stressed
-you get angry easily
-you cant concentrate as well in school
-you're more prone to depression & anxiety
85% of teens dont get enough sleep
avoid caffeine after 3pm-it blocks sleep-inducing chemicals, like adenosine, from penetrating your brain, which makes it more difficult to relax at night
dont hit snooze! it disrupts that last half hour of deep sleep that your brain needs. just be honest with yourself and set your alarm for when you really need to get up.
step 1: pick a bed time
-count back 8 or 9 hours from when you need to wake up--tt's bed time!
-list everything you cant to do before then [study, im your frens, watch tv?] and how long each will take
-make choices-what must you do? what could you give up [mayb tape the o.c]? and what you can put off for a day or two?
step 2: fall asleep-quickly
-turn off the tv:its sound and light stimulate your brain instead of relaxing it so you can get to sleep.
-focus on breatjing-to stop yourself from thinking about stressful stuff, close your eyes, relax your body, and count each breath like you'd count sheep. it'll calm your mind and put you in a sleep-ready state
-have a snack-about two hours before bed, eat a small amoiunt of filling protein [like peanut butter on a banana, or a serving of yoghurt] so hunger pangs wont keep you awake
underlying statement-sleep more!
znew left a note @01:36
read april's issue of seventeen.. quite an interesting one..from seventeen mag..
q: why cant guys just stop talking about what they have done during their time serving national service?
a: guys feel that national service is an experience exclusive to us. girls would have no idea what it is like to serve, for example, the army. it feels good to be sharing an experience with someone who has never had the chance to go through what we have. it's not that we want to bore you with all the stories-it's just that when we are serving ns, our life is pretty much limited to that and hence that's all we can really talk about most of the time! even after we get out, we wont be able to resist sharing more stories as it was just such an unforgettable experience!
q: why would a guy flirt and get physically and emotionally close to a girl even though he is in a long-term relationship?
a: guys who do that are not truly happy and secure in their present relationship. when a guy starts to get close to another girl, he is testing the waters to see if she is suitable for him. chances are, he is looking for someone to give him what he thinks is lacking in the present relationship. at the same time, he does not want to lose his current partner, just in case the 'new girl' turns out to be unsuitable and he would end up alone. i think this is terribly unfair to both girls and i feel this behaviour from guys is unacceptable. they should think about what they truly want and avoid misleading anyone!
znew left a note @00:21
Thursday, March 16
hmm.. feeling super lousy lately.. especially today.. totally sinked to rock bottom low.. not in the mood to do alot of things.. just wanna go somewhere.. and be there alone.. with some friends who reside close to my heart.. and just chill.. enjoy the breeze at the beach or something.. but i guess.. i wont be able to do that.. given the time factor..hmm.. i m still unsure of what is it that is bothering me so much.. what is it that.. could bring me to the verge of breaking down..
hmm.. holding the tears back desperately.. with all might..
hmm.. i thought as one grows older.. he/she should be able to handle stress better.. but i guess that's not the case for me.. everything is building up within me.. the stress is soo great that.. i dont know what to do.. hmm.. i might just fracture under the tremendous force..
hmm.. i dislike the feeling of someone you know competing for something you like.. worse still.. he/she is someone you regard as a good friend.. cant expect that someone to give up for you also..
hmm.. i m easily affected by how one behaves-words and actions..
hmm.. i m easily hurt by those perhaps unintentional sayings or doings.. as much as you might not mean it.. i can still feel the stab..
我想哭 但是哭不出来
等到思念像海 才明白其实爱已不在
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事实上 它从来不在
znew left a note @21:14
Wednesday, March 15
in library now.. was doing maths just now.. hmm.. gave up..sian.. very sian.. why is school so sian..
going ikea n town later.. yeah..
oh.. mat sci ca2 was a killer.. a heartless.. unscruplous one..
i shall get off the seat.. and look for jayden.. haha.. here i come..
znew left a note @14:33
Monday, March 13
XX & XX...那个比较痛苦..stop acting -beep-.. -beeeeeep-.. -beeep-.. -beeeeep- i feeel soo much like killing you.. and i m serious about it..
znew left a note @18:37
Sunday, March 12
i love these clothes.. haha.. ripped the pieces off abercrombie n fitch's online store.. argh.. so pretty.. yet i cant get.. haha.. why? coz no money.. i need to go on budget.. =] everything on budget.. lalalala..
znew left a note @13:16
soo full now.. had this unique yong tau foo from bt merah.. haha.. it came in a basin!
look at the queue.. this is not all.. we waited for like 35minutes to be where the red auntie was.. and total of about an hour to see that pot of food..
gort so tired from eating.. it was quite nice.. just too much.. and probably coz it's getting late.. so we were getting more and more lethargic as we ate..
finally finished the pot of food.. what an achievement..
by the time i reach home.. it's almost 3am..
znew left a note @03:39
Saturday, March 11
some of the pics taken on siang's bday.. hahaha.. in ikea.. and at hotel miramar.. then his place..
znew left a note @18:32
Friday, March 10
back in hall once again..went dxo for the star idol party last night.. young kids.. haiz.. bryan is still such a hunk..
jacqueline wore damn little last night.. minimal coverage.. hahaha.. and alicia said bye to us..
oh.. doing marketin plan later.. haiz..
znew left a note @11:44
Thursday, March 9
dont understand why people must pretend to be so gracious to attend a jerk's who ditched you for another person wedding dinner.. when it hurts you so much when you receive the invitation.. and why for travel all the way back to see your loved one getting married to another person.. and your heart ache soo much.. with flashbacks of those memories the two of you had..angry.. pissed.. fed up..
ruined my whole schedule.. spare a thought for others before you plan anything please..
and dont give last minute notice.. it doesnt work all the time..
i wont always compromise.. you should know how much it takes..
enough of you abusing jayden.. i think i need to send jayden to service after it come back from its long and strenous journey with you.. if anything happens to jayden.. you better watch out.. i did my bit for jayden.. dont dirty my cushions.. dont mess up the decals.. dont mess up the drawers.. if you dirtied the carpets.. send it to interior vacuum.. and car wash.. you pay for it.. i have been spending money on jayden.. cashcard alone is costing me a bomb with your parking..
i shall call nissan to book an appointment..
okie.. i think i sound too sarcastic.. but i dont care..
this is too much..
so what if u wanna send me back to hall after that? my project discussion would have ended.. might as well go back on my own.. wait for you for what? to sit inside jayden and hear it rumbles?
i cant bear to leave jayden to you for a few days.. seriously..
znew left a note @00:18
Tuesday, March 7
back at home.. spent my night in hall last night.. had training.. and a full dinner before that.. which is really horrible.. haha.. not the food.. but the feeling when i m training.. coz tian had make up tut.. so couldnt make it.. partnered a yellow belt guy instead.. his throws are obviously more painful n impactful than tian's or siying's.. hmm.. haha.. almost vomitted after all the throws.. heng sir taught new throws.. and so i get to rest abit.. haha..oh.. i had a 'valet parker' last night.. haha.. thanks for that..
yes.. my adriano is still in.. sooo cute..
haha.. okie.. i guess i m staying hall for a few nights again next week.. perhaps i should leave a set of toiletries..
oh.. school is reallllllly killing me this time round..
lyrics ca this week.. mat sci next week.. physics is next.. followed by life science.. not to mention marketing plan presentation and accessed case analysis!!!
znew left a note @20:23
Monday, March 6
hmm..if i have a boyfriend.. and that he has the driving license.. i'd ask him to drive.. not me..
i think.. it's a kind of respect..
it doesnt look good from outside the car.. that the girl is driving..
i guess.. it's called mutual respect and.. satisfying the male's ego..
i suppose our male counterparts will not be feeling too well as well..
znew left a note @17:59
Sunday, March 5
argh!!! i m havin my usual stomach upsets again.. this is killing me.. since this morning.. haiz.. nothing to do with the feast i had yesterday.. nothing to do with marks n spencer redcurrant puffs.. i haven even opened my belgian choc with california raisins!oh.. nothing.. hahaha..
i wont get to watch campus superstar again!!! tmr's guys' one.. hmm.. my adriano..
okie.. mat sci ca next week.. sch is killing me!
znew left a note @23:14
que sera sera means whatever will be, will be in spanish..this is the lyrics of the song.. que sera sera..
lyrics by jay livingston
music by ray evans
when i was just a little girl
i asked my mother
what will i be
will i be pretty
will i be rich
here's what she said to me
que sera, sera
whatever will be, will be
the future's not ours to see
que sera, sera
whatever will be, will be
when i grew up and fell in love
i asked my sweetheart
what lies ahead
will we have rainbows
day after day
here's what my sweetheart said
que sera, sera
whatever will be, will be
the future's not ours to see
que sera, sera
what will be, will be
now i have children of my own
they ask their mother
what will i be
will i be handsome
will i be rich
i tell them tenderly
que sera, sera
whatever will be, will be
the future's not ours to see
que sera, sera
what will be, will be
que sera, sera
does it mean that.. que sera que sera means whatever will be whatever will be?
znew left a note @12:27
just came back from shopping with jon.. and dinner with hi5.. it was great.. haha..bought another top from queesnway.. and a denim skirt from candle.. almost almost bought another adidas jacket.. haha.. good thing is that the price restrained me from buying on impulse..
hmm.. had dinner at chomp chomp.. fabulous.. ordered stingray.. fish.. fried carrot cake.. satay beehoon and some friend stuffs.. haha.. was starving even before dinner which was at 10+pm.. before dinner.. i only had 6 slices of redcurrant puffs from marks n spencer.. and 1 cup of corn.. wow.. haha.. yeah.. no wonder i could fit into so many clothes while shopping.. hahaha..
went grapevine for a drink after that.. as all 5 of us ordered the floral tea.. they were unable to produce them due to the lack of teapots! hahaha.. okie.. despite our persistence to keep our order.. they made us change.. so we changed.. to the smoothies.. and.. a fly accidentally landed itself in my mango smoothie.. after showing it to the waitres.. i have a 'new' glass.. i bet they only removed the fly with a spoon.. coz the smoothie looked stirred and watery!!! okie.. whatever.. sucky..
played asshole daidee.. daidee and bluff while waiting for our drinks.. lalala.. life is good slacking and laughing away..
hmm.. brought jayden for a wash.. soo shiny and clean now.. exterior i mean.. =]
i have yet to give it its rain-x repellant service! hahaha.. okie.. i shall do it tmr or smth..
znew left a note @02:39
Saturday, March 4
i tossed on my bed for 6+ hours this morning.. din sleep at all.. went to bed at 5.. and got out of it at 11+.. this is real bad.. i dont know what's wrong with me.. like.. as much as i wanna sleep.. i din manage to catch a wink.. or maybe i did.. but din sleep for goodness sake.. blardy..hmm.. i dont know.. i m like dying away now.. what the hell is wrong with me?
hmm.. i shall watch tv.. even though the tv in my living room is spoilt.. arghhh..
everything is getting out of hand..
znew left a note @13:55
Friday, March 3
hmm..what will you do if you know you only have 24hours left?
will you tell your friends about it?
what will i do?
i would meet up with my buddies.. and spend some time with my family.. also.. try to write as many messages on my collection of postcards as possible.. and leave them by my side before i die.. i would also look for that special someone in my heart.. and tell him i like him.. i dont ask for anything in return.. and would wish that he will be blessed.. but i wont let anyone know that i'll be leaving.. coz i dun want them to sympathise me..
so to my readers.. what will you do?
znew left a note @16:50
to whom it may concern,if i had a license to kill.. i'd kill you for causing so much misery to my life..
yours truly,
wenz
znew left a note @01:34
hmm.. my tear glands are rather active recently.. i dont know why.. my eyes will be brimming with tears every now and then while watching tv or staring into the mid-air thinking of something..perhaps there's really something see-ra-ious bothering me..
znew left a note @00:45
Thursday, March 2
oh.. so fast.. another week nearer to exams.. help!!!i m so laggy.. yea.. for life sci.. mat sci.. maths.. how shit that is.. when i m only taking like.. 6modules? this is like 50%.. hmm..
我生病了...医生呢？
znew left a note @19:52
Wednesday, March 1
i think.. i have thought too highly of myself.. i over-estimated my capability.. i m not able.. i m not ready.. i m totally unprepared to face it.. as much as i thought i was.. or i wished i was..once again.. the same few old issues made their way to the top of my mind..
i wished.. i could turn back time.. now that i have jayden.. i miss those days when i was in hall.. when i have tian by my side.. no matter what happens.. no matter how low i was.. i know she's there for me.. and she knows i'm here for her.. we could talk for hours over dinner.. and that would be enough to lift my spirit up.. be it i m at b5 or b1..
she's movin out of hall.. partly coz no one stays with her.. i feel bad.. both of us knew how much more efficient we are when we're in hall.. even though i m always there to disturb and disrupt her..
sometimes.. i wonder if jayden is reallie a blessing.. most of the time.. i think i m fortunate.. i m blessed.. how many of us want to have jayden or bobby or their friends.. and slogged for our life just to own one?
running away doesnt solve the problem.. how many times must i tell myself that before i can drill that in?
oh.. 28th feb is the worse day sooo far in year 2006.. so many people down..
me too.. sunk into depression [temporary, i hope] i guess.. hope i can climb my way out of it tomorrow morning when i crawl out from my bed..
even shopping doesnt help this time.. i guess..
never knew it hurts soo much inside.. never knew it takes so much effort..
never knew it's such a tough issue to handle.. never knew.. i am this weak..
never knew..
if only i had known..